Top ten Favorite Diet food list from Nick Nilson

My Top 10 Favorite Diet Foods... As I mentioned in the subject line of this email, I've got alist of my top 10 favorite diet foods for you here...fairwarning, I have a feeling most if not ALL of these foods areprobably not foods you've ever seen on a diet food list :) You see, they're NOT your typical diet foods like rice cakes andchicken breasts…
10. Triple Cheeseburgers This is a STAPLE diet food that should be on everyone's list.Why? Because you will burn a TON of calories constantly catchingthat middle burger patty that keeps shooting out the back of thebun from all the grease every time you bite into it. And if you're worried about getting too many calories from thesandwich itself, just remove the lettuce and tomato - all thathealthy crap does is slow down the fatty meat clawing its waythrough your digestive tract.
9. Pizza Pizza is the PERFECT diet food, according to the Government FoodPyramid. How so, you ask? Just look at it! First, you've got "grains" making up the bottomof the pizza (just like the bottom of the pyramid)…a delicious,thick nutritionless white flour gob. Next up, you've got thedairy group - cheese, of course (lots of great calcium to befound there, which can enhance fat-burning by up to 1/25 of apercent)! You've also got your vegetables (unless you get yourpizza with no vegetables, in which case you'll have to countpepperoni as a vegetable, which I am FINE with, by the way).Finally, you've got the meat group…right on top. Good eating and a perfect match to the food pyramid, instructure if not intent!
8. Cold Beer Do you have any idea how many calories your body burns simplywarming up cold beer to body temperature in your stomach? No?Good...because ignorance is VERY important for making this tipwork. You see every time you eat or drink a food that is colder thanbody temperature, your body must expend heat warming that foodup. A single bottle of cold beer will cause the body to burnalmost 8,000 calories (give or take) warming it up to bodytemperature. And believe me, there have been studies that back this up. Infact, the more beer that was "studied," the higher that numberwent up! This technique works well with soda, too. But not that "diet"garbage - you want to go with the REAL stuff. It has to containat least 48 grams of high fructose corn syrup per 30 gram servingto maximize fat burning (that GIANT insulin spike followed by thetremendous crash in blood sugar burns a TON of calories).
7. Rice Krispie Squares Everybody knows Rice Krispies are made up almost entirely ofair. So eating Rice Krispie squares is just like eating air. Thatthick layer of fudge on the top is just required to keep thesquares from floating away. It's a totally guilt-free snack. Infact, eat the whole pan and you'll actually get LIGHTER becauseyou're eating so much air.
6. French Fries It's a FACT that French people have lower blood pressure andcholesterol than Americans. Obviously, this is because they eatmore FRENCH Fries. So the trick is to eat more French Fries. I'mtelling you…ya just can't make this stuff up.
5. Pizza Again It's just that good of a diet food. I mean, how many foods doyou know that you can dramatically change their calorie contentjust by how you slice them? Think about it…let's say in a normal large pizza, you cut itinto 8 pieces. That's a LOT of calories and you PROBABLY won'tlose weight when you eat the whole thing. But cut that same largepizza into FOUR slices? You've just cut your calories in HALF. Sowhen you eat the whole thing, you're only eating HALF the numberof slices. Do the math and you'll see. Also, pizza is a round food and everybody knows that round foodshave fewer calories than square foods - no corners…duh.
4. Anything That Has Fallen On The Floor It automatically loses ALL calorie content. This rule onlyapplies, however, if it happens by ACCIDENT. And the dog getsfirst dibs.
3. Twinkies Since Twinkies cannot technically be considered food (in anuclear war, they will outlast even cockroaches), you're welcometo eat as many of these as you want. They are also VERY valuablefor appetite control. Don't believe me? Eat a dozen of thesecolon-stoppers and see how your appetite is.
2. Chinese Food I'm not talking "American" Chinese food with the almond chickenand ginger beef…I'm talking CHINESE Chinese food. And if you'vebeen to China and have seen the things hanging in theunrefrigerated shop windows, you know EXACTLY what I'm talkingabout and why eating those things will help you lose weightFAST…
1. "Sports" Water In other words, water with that great "sporty" taste of cornsyrup, artificial flavor and fresh-squeezed potassium benzoate!In fact, I have to say "kudos" to the corporations who found away to create a market out of complete bullsh*t!... And then lashout for people having to do (GOD FORBID) MORE exercise, to burnoff those 60 extra calories found in the other guys bottle ofstupid sports water. Like just being alive for an extra 45minutes won't burn THAT off. Cripes. Sorry...bit of a tangent there. CONCLUSION:If, at this point, you're still wondering if this is a SERIOUSarticle, the answer is "yes." I really, truly, totally believetriple cheeseburgers can be part of a balanced diet… But only if you've got one in each hand